March Confessions

Be warned: this is an incredibly personal post.

I turn 24 exactly two weeks from today.

The weekend after my birthday, I will be moving into the spare apartment in my parents’ house temporarily. My parents own a two-family house. My grandmother used to live in the apartment downstairs. After that, my brother, Adam, lived there for several years, followed by my other brother, David, and my now sister-in-law, Angela. Me living there at some point in my life is inevitable.

Don’t worry- Jeff and I are still together. We just need somewhere to store our stuff while Jeff helps his family out for a few months.

I am secretly excited to move back in with my mom since my father works nights. I see many chick flicks in my future.

I am also incredibly sad to be leaving my first apartment, but I know that this is what is best for us right now.

I am also really scared. I don’t deal with change well.

I am still not ready to talk about the reasons behind all this. Mainly because it’s not my story to tell. I promise that when I feel it’s appropriate and the time is right, I will share what happened with you. I’m used to sharing a lot on this blog, and that’s why I’ve needed this blogging break. If I went about posting like nothing happened, I’d feel like I was hiding my life from you, and I don’t want to do that. I want to be real, and honest in my posts. I hope you understand and respect that.

Speaking of sharing a lot on the blog, I still haven’t gone for my follow-up ultrasound. There are many reasons for this. But, perhaps, the biggest one is that I’m scared to go through it all again. Another reason is that I have yet to choose another doctor. I think that once I’m settled into my move, I’ll look into hospitals in downstate NY.

My breast is still sore from my surgery. Five months later, it still hurts to lift things, to stretch, and to hug…

On a lighter note, I have exactly six birthday celebrations planned. All of which include good food, good friends, wine, and, of course, cupcakes.

I’m sort of obsessed with my birthday.

And now for a few short, but just as meaningful confessions:

My jeans are tight.

Jillian Michaels has kicked my butt twice since Saturday.

I’ve eaten too much chocolate.

I spent money I don’t have on these heels in black.

I cry too easily.

In the past month, I’ve thought about not blogging anymore.

I decided I’d miss it (and you) too much.

The end.

<3

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20 comments

  1. I’m sorry you’re going through such a hard time. Sometimes it’s good to take a break, let family and friends take care of you and relax.

    As for your breast…I had the same experience as you and had surgery. It ached for about 6 months and then it got better. It’s been 3 years since I’ve had the surgery and it only aches once in awhile…

  2. It is a sad time full of many changes, and you’ve been a great support to all of us, which we appreciate.

    Chocolate is good, and sometimes jeans just shrink! Hope you enjoy your birthday. 🙂

  3. You’re in our thoughts, Rebecca! My heart goes out to you, my friend. You’re enduring a lot this year and handling it like a pro. 🙂 I really really hope you don’t stop blogging! So many people are blessed by you and your honesty, your strength and authenticity. Those qualities are rare! You are a rock star! 🙂

  4. Love your honesty…even though I know it’s tough to write it out sometimes, it also feels like therapy, no? I have been wondering about your follow up for a while now. Don’t put it off, just do it:-) I don’t know if you’ve been reading my blog or not, but I had a scare a couple weeks ago that resulted in an MRI-guided biopsy, in which everything was benign. A 5mm spot showed up on my latest screening MRI and of course, all unknowns must be checked. Thankfully this time it was happy news! Now get on your doctor-finding mission and get on with your tests so you can celebrate happy news, too. Love ya, girl. Hang in there.

    PS- Oh and I think I would not be able to contain my excitement about more Mom-time and girl-time if I were you;-) Soak it up and enjoy every single minute! ((hugs))

  5. Oh, girlie. I’m glad you’ve decided to keep blogging. You’re such a good writer; the blog world would definitely miss you if you ever made such an awful decision.

    Sometimes life throws us curve balls, but I know you’re handling things with such grace. Everything in life is temporary. 🙂

    Also, go to your follow up. Just do it. It’ll be a load off your mind once it’s over.

  6. You DO NOT cry TOO much. There’s no such thing! we can’t be ashamed or embarrassed of our emotions. ACCEPT and REVEL in yourself. LET YOURSELF FEEL. Something I’ve learned that I have to constantly remind myself is that “we’re ALL needy”. It’s human nature to want and need things/people to comfort us. I’m needy, you’re needy, the next guy is needy.

    Hope you know I always have your back, and I completely respect your rationalizations behind posting only what you FEEL is best. It shows that you have enough self-care and respect.

  7. It’s always great to see a post from you. I hope all gets better as the days go by. you can never go wrong when helping out family. I really hope that you get to celebrate the heck out of your birthday in those cute shoes! 🙂 I loved your “meaningful confessions”, sometimes there isn’t anything as good as chocolate and a good cry. Together or separate! 🙂

  8. Just getting to read email tonight and just have to say that I’m just a little (tee hee – just a little) excited to have my little girl back home even for a little while. I was never ready for you to leave and it will be fun to see your beautiful face every day. Can’t wait, we’ll make brownies too, Love, Mom

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