…because ‘yo-yo’ is obviously a verb—i.e., something you do—and it’s a verb I’m good at.
Let me explain. I’ve always been able to relate to the term ‘yo-yo dieter,’ not necessarily because I am one, but because I can apply the yo-yo dieting philosophy to a lot of other aspects of my life. I go back and forth all the time, or, for the sake of this metaphor, up and down. I have a lot of grand intentions and I get caught up in said intentions very easily…for a little while…and then, before I know it, I’ve thrown the very thing I was so excited about ten minutes ago out the window, only to pass it on the street later that day and pick it back up again. Yo-yoing.
Take, for example, my love of exercise. In March, I was waking up at 5 a.m. to go to the gym every day. I had been doing it consistently for two months, and then, for who knows what reason, I just stopped. I stopped exercising until I got my bike in April. This time last month I was biking to work three times a week (a 20-mile-round-trip commute) and going on long rides on the weekends. What happened to that, you ask? I just stopped.
I. just. stopped.
This yo-yo pattern has transferred across several other facets of my life, including:
- School: I took semesters off and went back and forth between majors, always returning to writing, until I eventually earned my degree in journalism and English.
- Diet: Every now and then, I’ll throw my hands up in the air and eat a basket
or fiveof fries and veto spinach for an entire week before I think better of it and return to healthy eating again.
- Blogging: You had to know where this post was going…
Last October I wrote a post called From March to October in which I told you all about why I hadn’t blogged for seven months. In that same post I promised that I would keep posting and I meant it, I really, really meant it. Guess what? I stopped blogging again this past March and waited all the way until now, October, to blog again. It’s not the first time I’ve randomly stopped blogging without warning, and it’s not something I like doing.
Before I go on I feel the need to note that there are definitely constants in my life that I don’t yo-yo on: e.g., my eight-year relationship with Jeff, my job which I’ve held for a year and a half now, my decision to become a vegetarian nearly four years ago. It seems as though I hold myself accountable for things that would affect other people (or animals), not only myself, if I stopped doing them.
I also feel the need to clarify that I don’t stop blogging because I want to stop blogging. I just stop. And it bothers me that I feel like it’s out of my control because it most definitely is. I stop posting out of nowhere and it even surprises me because I love blogging. Then I feel embarrassed to post again and put it off even longer because I’ve stopped posting after specifically stating in my last ‘sorry I haven’t posted in so long’ post that I would keep blogging forrealthistime.
I am not writing this post as an excuse for not posting. I know I don’t need an excuse because this is my blog, and, from the start, I’ve vowed to be open and honest in this space. I just owe it to myself to get this all out in words because it’s something that I’ve wanted to change for a while.
I love my blog and I love blogging. I love sharing my life and reading about others’ lives. I’m not going to promise this time that I won’t yo-yo. What I will promise is that I’m not going to beat myself again up if I do. All I can do is acknowledge that there is a part of me that I want to change and will work on changing—and that acknowledgment is enough for me.