So this post is probably just going to be a rambling stream of consciousness because, like always, after completely abandoning my blog a few months ago, something, I don’t know what, has pulled me back here. It’s always around this time of year when DreamHost sends me an email asking if I want to renew my hosting subscription and I think, “well, I haven’t written a blog post in several months, maybe I should just let it go,” and then some part of me screams, “NO, this blog is part of you, keep it JUST in case.” So, I do. And for a few weeks I think, “maybe I can write something.” And then a few weeks later I think, “but what will I write?” And then AFTER THAT, “I open the ‘Add New Post’ screen and stare at the blank template for several minutes before starting to type nonsense. Which is what this is. Nonsense.
So. Hi. Hello. I am here. The truth is, every time I start blogging again after a long hiatus, I get pretty excited about it. I get really into it and think, This is it. This is what I’m meant to do. It just feels like it’s where I belong. Then, the weeks go by and I post and post and post and it’s fun and then the anxiety and depression creep in. My thoughts go from, this is fun, I love this, to this is stupid. no one is reading. I should stop.
Then, during my non-blogging days, people say, “why haven’t you been blogging? I really enjoyed reading.” I completely dismiss it at first and then a few weeks or months later I find myself here, writing to you. SO. Hi. Hello. I am here.
The TRUTH is, this blog hasn’t been the same since 2011, which probably means that, since I’ve been blogging since 2009, it’s been this way for longer than it hasn’t been this way, if you get what I’m saying. I have new readers but I also have the same readers that have been here from the beginning and I think of those ‘same readers’ whenever I decide to desert my blog. I think that those ‘same readers’ think, “oh, there she goes, deserting her blog again.” But probably no one thinks that, really.
So. Hi. Hello. I am here. Blogging about nothing and everything all at once. This post is weird, I know. I’m on the verge of calling the whole thing off and deleting it so maybe I’ll just hit publish instead.