BLAHG Post: My Struggles
with Self-Doubt

Oh hey!BLAHG Post- My Struggles With Self-Doubt-www.roseyrebecca.com

A few weeks ago I wrote a post about feeling overwhelmed because I was feeling blah and my friend Amanda encouraged me to write about it and call it a BLAHG Post. So, I did, and it was so well-received that I’ve decided to make BLAHG Posts a regular thing! I know a lot of you can relate when I open up about my day-to-day struggles with anxiety and depression so my goal with this series is to continue to be transparent about those struggles and to hopefully help you feel less alone if you happen to be experiencing the same thing.

I’ve been meaning to write about my feelings of self-doubt for a while. Truth is, I experience it a lot more than I’d care to admit. It’s hard to confess that I’m not always 100 percent confident in everything I do but I have a pretty good feeling that I’m not alone. Self-doubt has crept into a lot of aspects of my life but it pops up the most when I think about my writing. I have an extremely difficult time believing people when they tell me I’m good at something and an even more difficult time admitting it to myself.

In school when I received good grades on essays, I’d often assume the teacher just liked me because I completed all of my assignments and showed up to class on time, not that I’d actually deserved the grade.

After college when I wrote for a newspaper, I could never read my articles after they were published. Even when people told me that they enjoyed my writing or that I did a good job, I’d think, oh, they’re just being polite. I constantly questioned why I was assigned so many stories and assumed that the people reading were thinking, who is she to be covering this topic?

I absolutely love writing this blog. I love documenting my life and sharing with whoever is here to read. The anxiety I feel around hitting publish is probably why I’ve stopped and started so many times since I started this blog in 2009. Sometimes I’m really excited about my blog posts. Other times I’m like why am I doing this? Who is reading? What makes my blog different or more entertaining to read than the thousands of other blogs out there? 

On Monday after I posted about my recent mammogram and ultrasound, I sat at my computer, thought about how I’d worked on that post for four days, and convinced myself that nobody was going to read it. I texted my best friend and vented to her about how I’m wasting my time blogging. As I was talking to her, I received a message on Instagram from someone thanking me for writing that very post and telling me how much my blog helps them. It was the first of many messages and comments I received that day about the post.  The next day a friend told me how impressed she is that I post a few times a week. Meanwhile, I frequently beat myself up for not posting enough.  It took a whole year of people telling me that I’m good at Instagram and that I should consider teaching a class for me to actually go through with it.

I always feel so undeserving of compliments and so shocked that people think I’m doing a good job. I am so hard on myself and fail to recognize all the things I’ve accomplished and all the opportunities that have come out of this little blog. Sometimes I feel like I’m embarrassing myself by putting my life and feelings out there for all to see.

Writing about this is so hard because I feel kind of like I’m lifting up a curtain – that people are going to think less of me for revealing that I experience self-doubt on an almost-daily basis, especially when it’s about the things people compliment me on the most!

But I’m taking a deep breath and hitting publish. I’m reminding myself that these feelings are totally normal and lots of people experience them. I’m trying to ignore all the negative self-talk, to not believe everything I think.

Most of all, I’m working on feeling more confident in my talents and accomplishments. On believing that I am a good writer and that people truly enjoy what I post here and on Instagram but that it’s OK if not everyone likes me or what I’m doing.  I’m telling myself that it’s worth it to keep doing what I’m doing even if only one person is reading because I love it and that’s all that matters!

As always, THANK YOU for reading!

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BLAHG Post: I’m Overwhelmed

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Blahg Post: I'm Overwhelmed-www.roseyrebecca.com

Hello. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately so this post is just going to be a big brain dump.

I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately and it’s not that anything bad has happened in my life. In fact, I’ve experienced a ton of GOOD things recently! But the thing about me and my anxiety is that even good things can feel overwhelming.

I feel like my anxiety has been in overdrive since mid-September. First, there was the flea situation, then there was the lump situation (working on an update for that, by the way), not to mention getting ready for the Midterms (because Jeff is the Chair of our county’s Democratic Party) and taking the leap to teach an Instagram class this past weekend. I have been REALLY stressed.

I’m trying to focus on self-care and less critical self-talk.  A lot of times I tell myself I shouldn’t feel a certain way but the truth is you can’t control your thoughts and feelings, you can only control what you do with them. There are no shoulds or shouldn’ts.

I beat myself up all the time because my anxiety prevents from doing the simplest tasks. I stress out over things that I WANT to do. I want to blog. I want to teach people how to use Instagram. I want to meet a friend for coffee. I want to clean my house. I want to go to the gym. So why do I start to dread it all?

My mom is coming to visit on Monday and I’ve been looking forward to it for MONTHS. Jeff and I are hosting Thanksgiving at our house for the first time in our lives. My in-laws are coming, too.  I AM SO EXCITED. But I’m also overwhelmed by my to-do list.  I’m overwhelmed by how much there is to clean (and why can’t we ever keep our house clean?). I’m stressed that we don’t have enough art on the walls and that we haven’t hung the dining room curtains (even though we’ve lived in this house for almost two years). I’m stressed that our bathtub is leaking (and we haven’t had it fixed yet). I’m stressed that I have to grocery shopping (for recipes I’m excited to make). I’m stressing out about getting it all done and I’m beating myself up because I absolutely have time to do it all but my anxiety paralyzes me instead.

Yesterday, after talking to my friend Amanda about not feeling satisfied with any of my blog drafts, she said, “maybe you should write a blog post about feeling blah instead? And call it a blahg post.”

So, here it is, a “BLAHG” post and I’m writing it because I needed to get it all out. I’m writing it because I know I can’t be alone in these feelings. I’m writing it because I’m feeling blah and wanted to talk about it.

As always, thanks for reading.

Connect With Me!

Email: rebecca@roseyrebecca.com

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