March Confessions (2018)

Well HELLO THERE!The Beehive Coffee Bar, Asheville, NC,

As I type this, I’m sitting in the sweetest little new-to-me coffee shop, The Beehive Coffee Bar. I can’t believe I’ve never been here. It’s the coziest spot! I just inhaled a delicious vegan blueberry scone and am sipping a hot cup of coffee on this blustery March day. Life is good.

It’s been about a month since I did my last confessions post, so let’s get to it, shall we?

Confession #1

Most of the time, my bedroom floor is covered in a sea of clothing.

No matter what I do or how hard I try, it seems I can never keep my clothing from exploding all over the dang floor. Ladies, tell me, do you have this issue? I mean, there’s really no excuse for it. We’re currently using an entire other bedroom as our walk-in closet (which, if I’m honest, also has clothing all over the floor). I mean, I can’t be the only who piles their clean laundry up on the bed instead of putting it away, and, then, when it’s time for bed, transfers it to the floor, then back to the bed, then back to the floor. RIGHT? Right. VALIDATE ME.

Confession #2

I hate (most) games.

Board games, party games, card games, you name it, I hate most of em. Go ahead, let me have it. Kick me out (of my own blog). I’m no fun. I have no patience for them. No patience to learn the rules, wait for my turn, not win. Maybe that’s really what it is. Maybe I’m just a sore loser. I’m super competitive. Always have been. Always will be. I like to win. Not as much as Donald Trump likes to win (shudder) but I like to win. There is one exception to this confession, however: I LOVE Cards Against Humanity. I will play that with you all day every day.

Confession #3

I’m stuck in a food rut.

Baked Cheesy Veggie Pasta,

WHAT? How could this be, Rebecca? You post different foods on your IG daily. OK, so I’m not talking an Asheville restaurants food rut, I’m talking a cooking food rut. I think I’ve made the same pasta dish every week for the past two months. And when I’m not making that pasta dish, I’m making veggie hot dogs and boxed mac & cheese (see my February Confessions). I usually rely on Pinterest for new recipe inspiration, so if you’re on there, feel free to send me ALL THE VEGETARIAN RECIPES. Seriously, please send me recipes or I’m going to be eating pasta and veggie hot dogs for the rest of my life.

Confession #4

I don’t believe in leggings as pants.  There, I said it.

leggings as pants meme,

I know this is an SUPER unpopular opinion and let me stop right here and tell you I don’t care if YOU wear leggings pants. You do you. Wear no pants. I don’t care. Just don’t make ME wear leggings as pants. Let me stop again and clarify that when I say leggings, I don’t mean workout pants. I wear those all over the place. I mean the colorful, patterned stretchy tight things. That said, I am on the lookout for super comfortable sweatpants that I can wear out to events and kind of look like I made an effort to look nice. Do those exist? Where do I find them? HALP.

Confession #5

I simultaneously love writing this blog and hate writing this blog.

Blooms On Tap- Asheville,NC,

I think that this confession ties in with my next one. Writing here has been a struggle for me lately, but I love it so, so, so much when I do. I’ve talked to so many of you who have encouraged me to keep writing and I appreciate it so much. I recently decided that I need to change my mentality from “I NEED to blog today” to “I WANT to blog today.” When I frame it like that, I don’t feel as much anxiety and pressure around it. I tend to beat myself up when I’m not exactly where I want to be with my writing and posting. I’m working really hard to stop.

Confession #6

I struggle with depression.

Blooms On Tap- Asheville,NC,

I left this one for last because it’s a doozy. (Does anyone say doozy anymore?) So I know I’ve talked about my anxiety here before but I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned that I struggle with depression too, and the truth is, most of the time, they go hand in hand. Even so, I hesitated to confess this because for some reason, in my mind, admitting that I suffer from anxiety is not as embarrassing/shameful as admitting that I also suffer from depression. Trust me, I know there is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about, but I also know that depression lies, and my depression tells me that admitting that I have it will make people pity me and look at me differently. Especially those closest to me. But it’s just not true.

I know that some people will not agree with my posting about this because it’s very personal but I think that mental health is an extremely important topic that and, frankly, it doesn’t get talked about enough. If admitting that I’m depressed helps even one person feel like they’re not alone, I think it’s worth it to write about. I know from experience that anxiety and depression can be very isolating. It can make you feel like an outcast and like something is wrong with you, when, in fact, tons of people suffer from mental illness.

I typed the words “life is good” at the beginning of this post, and, that’s the thing, life IS good. There’s this common misconception that depression means lying in bed all day sobbing or being sad about any one thing. The truth is, you can be depressed and still function. You can be depressed and still have good, happy days. Depression can hit anyone, at any time, for any reason, or for no reason at all. It’s nothing to feel ashamed of or bad about, and I plan to talk about it a lot more because it’s important that you know that I’m a real person with real emotions and that it’s OK for you to be a real person with real emotions too. The end.

My struggle with depression,

OK, with all that off my chest, you tell me, what are your March confessions!?

Have a beautiful day <3

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February Confessions

February Confessions? I know what you’re thinking:

“How can you possibly be writing a February confessions post when it’s only the second day of February?”

Or maybe I’m the only one thinking that. Either way, I do what I want.

I’ve done Confessions posts in the past and they’re always so fun to write, and hopefully fun to read. Feel free to chime in with your own February confessions in the comments!

Without further ado, here are some things I just need to get off my chest.

Confession #1

My jeans don’t fit.

My jeans don’t fit and it’s not because of all the grilled cheese sandwiches and macaroni and cheese I’m eating either.

Lifting Weights at Strength Ratio Asheville, NC

My jeans don’t fit because I’ve been squatting like I’ve never squatted before. I mentioned in my post last week that I started lifting heavy at a gym called Strength Ratio. Well, nobody told me that lifting close to my body weight would mean I’d have to buy new pants.

For the first time in my life, my jean size has gone up and I’m not that concerned about it. It’s a pretty awesome feeling to not worry about your weight because you can physically see and feel your own strength.

My only problem with it is I hate jean shopping. Anyone else?

Confession #2

I rarely brush my hair.

Hair by Shannon McCarthy of Studio Flourish in Asheville, NC
Hair by Shannon McCarthy of Studio Flourish in Asheville, NC

I mean it. I don’t. I’m too lazy. This very confession is the reason I love my hair stylist Shannon. She gets me. When I tell her to cut and style my hair so that I never have to do anything to it, she understands.

I also don’t wear makeup, which, if you knew me 10 years ago when I was dead set on becoming a cosmetologist, might seem completely bizarre to you. I dropped out of college, started working at Sephora and had grand plans of becoming a famous makeup artist.

And now I don’t wear makeup. Mostly because of the time and effort it takes to clean it off. I mean, I really think black eyeliner is designed to stay under your eyes for at least three days, no matter how hard you try to get it off. I can’t be the only one.

Confession #3

On Wednesday I took the last dose of my antidepressant.


Let me preface this by saying there is absolutely nothing wrong with being on antidepressants. They’ve helped me tremendously for the past 6.5 years. That said, I’ve been wanting to get off mine for a while now.

I’ve talked about my stuggles with anxiety before and I plan to write a whole other post about it next week (with a giveaway!). So I won’t say too much about my reasons for getting off my meds in this post. What I will say is that I’ve been weaning off my medication since November 2016. It was a very slow and steady process, filled with numerous ups and downs. If you’ve ever started or stopped an antidepressant before, you probably know the side effects can be brutal. I had my fair share of crying spells and mood swings. But now I’m happy to say I’m completely done and feeling pretty good about it so far.

Confession #4

I’m camera shy.

Lee Wolfe Pottery, Asheville, NC

Actually, scratch that, I’m just shy in general. If you know me in person you might not believe me because I can be SO LOUD and I literally talk to everyone. Hell, I wrote for a newspaper and had to interview random people on the street (omg, see my confession about anxiety above). Even so, I can be super awkward and self-conscious. Especially when it comes to having my picture taken. I don’t think I’m particularly photogenic, so when my friend Lee asked me to model some of her pottery for her, I just about had a panic attack at the mere thought of it.

Lee Wolfe Pottery, Asheville, NC

But 2018 is apparently the year of forcing myself to do things I’m uncomfortable with (I decided that just now). So I brushed my hair, put on some makeup (See Confession #2) and became a pottery model. Just like that.

And you know what, it wasn’t bad at all! In fact, it was actually fun!

Confession #5

I eat boxed macaroni and cheese.

Macaroni and Cheese from Foothills Local Meats in Asheville, NC
Not boxed macaroni and cheese- this is from Foothills Local Meats in Asheville, NC.

A friend recently told me that my Instagram posts make her jealous because all she eats is boxed macaroni and cheese. And I said, “grrrrrl, so do I!” And frozen pizza. And frozen veggie burgers. And lots of other lazy foods.

I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again, posts on social media are just a small representation of real life. Sure, I love cooking everything from scratch and eating at all the delicous restaurants in Asheville but it’s not all I do, even though my posts might make it seem as such.

Some nights I don’t want to do anything but sit in my pajamas and eat a frozen pizza. In fact, one of my favorite dinners is veggie hot dogs with Annie’s macaroni and cheese.

What is your favorite lazy food?

Confession #6

Writing takes me forever.

Writing at Odd's Cafe in Asheville, NC

In the past week, I’ve received so many compliments on my blog and my writing style. I don’t know how to begin to thank you for your kind words and encouragement. The truth is, even though I love writing, it’s a huge source of anxiety for me. I don’t have an issue once I get started but getting in the right mindset to actually sit down and write a blog post takes me forever, which is why the frequency of my blog posts has waxed and waned over the years.

I get so anxious and overwhelmed about my writing that when I used to write for the paper, sometimes I couldn’t even read my stories after they were published. Silly, I know, but you’re your own worst critic, right?

I’m a little bit of a perfectionist when it comes to writing, which usually results in me writing and rewriting the same sentence multiple times before I am satisfied with it. This is why writing even a three paragraph blog post can take me all day.

You have no idea how much it motivates me to hear that even a handful of you are reading my blog and enjoying it. It also terrifies me, which, truthfully, is another reason I’ve deserted blogging in the past; the pressure I put on myself is overwhelming at times. But, as I said above, 2018 is the year of forcing myself to do things I’m uncomfortable with, so as long as you’re still reading, I’ll keep writing. Truly, thank you!

Now, let’s hear it! I want to know your February confessions, even though it’s only the second day of February! Spill it!

Have a wonderful day! <3

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