Cautiously Hopeful

On Thursday the 20th, my father will have been in the hospital for a month.

It’s weird how the mind adapts to new routines. For the past month, I’ve been at the hospital nearly every day. The image of my father in a hospital bed with tons of wires attached to him is no longer shocking, it’s normal. The smell of the ICU is stuck in my nose.

My family and I have talked to more doctors and nurses than I can count. There are days when I can’t even remember what day it is.

The crazy thing is, it doesn’t look like this will be over anytime soon. My father is in critical condition, and is progressing very, very slowly. On Saturday, the doctors said it would be a “miracle” if he pulls through this. On Sunday, they seemed more optimistic. One doctor said that we should be “cautiously hopeful.” That all we can do is wait, and hope that he comes around.

So that’s what we’re doing: waiting and hoping.

River

On a completely unrelated note, I had an ultrasound yesterday.

In the middle of the test, the ultrasound tech actually asked, “this surgeon who did your biopsy last year, did he come highly recommended to you?”

Every doctor I’ve talked to seems completely baffled by what happened to me.

The ultrasound confirmed that the lump is still there- same size and everything. The doctor gave me two options:

I feel like I’m back in the exact same place as I was when I wrote this post. Since there’s nothing I can do about it, however, I chose the latter. This Friday, I will go in for the core needle biopsy. When I get the results from that, it’s likely that I’ll have to have another surgery.

At this point, even though I am scared about Friday, I am much more concerned with my father’s condition.

Please, please keep my father in your thoughts.

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Something Serious

Something serious is going on in my life right now. I’m not talking about the breakup, and I’m not talking about this.

It’s something else. Something that happened yesterday that I don’t feel comfortable discussing yet (or ever).The next few days are going to be tough for me, and although I don’t plan to reveal what’s going on, I’d like to use my blog as an outlet. Writing comforts me, and makes me happy, and that’s what I need right now.

I also have a doctor’s appointment today. Unlike the serious thing I mentioned above, my appointment does concern this. I’m not going to lie, I’m a little scared. OK- I’m A LOT scared. I was supposed to go to a follow-up ultrasound in January, but I didn’t. I went to another doctor in April, and was supposed to get in touch with a breast surgeon, but I didn’t.

Why not? Well, it’s simple. I just didn’t.

I had other things going on in my life that were more important than taking care of myself. That sounds completely ridiculous now that I think about it. I procrastinated because of things going on in my life, but also because I’ve been scared to go through it all again. Now, almost a year later, I’m finally putting myself first and getting it taken care of. Hopefully this time for good. Either way, I’ll keep you updated.

Because the past couple posts have been wayyyy too serious, and not about food at all, I want to show you a few delicious pictures, starting with this:

Half birthday ice cream

This was the half-birthday ice cream my parents bought me a few days ago. You heard right: half-birthday. My family is crazy, and celebrates that kind of stuff. Six months ago today, I turned 24. Now I’m 24.5! Hooray!!!

Grilled Corn

Grilled corn, anyone?  Yes, please.

Whole wheat spaghetti

Whole wheat spaghetti and wine.  Best. Dinner. Ever.

Soy Latte

I’ve been really into going out for coffee with my friends lately. Last weekend it was with Mareesa.

Caramel Soy Latte

And yesterday it was with my friend, Cathy, who I haven’t seen in YEARS. It was good to catch up with. She used to live right next to me, and we were best friends in middle school. 🙂

Now, on a completely unrelated note, here is a goofy self-portrait:

Cheers!

Don’t I look a half year older? I’m so lame!

I’m off to my appointment. Wish me luck!

Have a great Wednesday! <3

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