Questions I Don’t Know The Answers To…

Alternate title: My Secret Chocolate Period Book Stuffed With Riddle Cake That May Or May Not Contain Mice. Now I bet you have questions, too.

Questions I Don’t Know The Answers To…
Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya / Unsplash
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SO, I started thinking about writing this blog post three days ago. I think. It could have been yesterday. To be real with you, I have absolutely no idea what day it is or how much time has passed since I decided that I needed to share these very important questions with you.

You see, since I relaunched my website last week, I’ve done a lot of behind-the-scenes work that isn’t exactly fun but, as I’m slowly learning, very, very necessary. Despite the fact that I’ve written this blog for 10+ years and started selling stuff in November 2020, up until about six months ago, I never actually considered this a business.

When people asked what I did for work, I often told them that I freelanced…which isn’t exactly a lie…I mean I do freelance…for myself. But the idea that this website that I started in college could be a business? MY business? What? Who? ME? Get out of town.

Back in September, after spending weeks trying to figure out the very confusing world of sales tax, I finally caved and hired an accountant. I wanted to be able to use my mental energy to write and create, rather than agonize over Quickbooks and taxes. It was then, in our very first meeting, that my new accountant broke the news that Rosey Rebecca is, in fact, a business, and I decided I needed to start treating it as such.

So, after relaunching my website, I spent a lot of time researching all the things I needed to do on the admin side of things. Then, after panicking and reading 3 million articles about privacy policies and why I need to have one, I recognized the warning signs of imminent burnout and decided to prioritize writing this blog post because I knew if I spent another day stressing about all the business tasks I have yet to complete, I wouldn’t have energy for one crucial task that makes all of that other stuff worth it: Writing. Here. To You.

So, hi, hello, I am here…and I have some questions. Maybe you know the answers. Maybe you don’t. If you do, feel free to share your wisdom in the comments or in reply to this email (if you subscribe to my blog posts).

Quick content note: This blog post includes references to my period and other bodily functions. I’m warning you now so you can stop reading if that’s too much information for you. Your loss.

Questions I Don’t Know The Answers To…

How Do I Learn Everything There Is To Know About Everything?

I need to know. Kirsten had a good answer:

Ah, yes, the classic Bookmark The Internet trick. Now if only I could remember to look at the bookmarks I’ve bookmarked, I’d be on my way.

Why Is This The First Time Siri and I Have Talked About My Period?

Screenshot of iPhone screen with calendar appointment named “Expected Period” on February 24, 2022. Text underneath reads, Me: “Hey Siri: when am I going to get my period?” Siri: “You have an all day appointment on Thursday. It’s called Projected Period.”

Apparently, I can schedule an all-day meeting with my period. Who knew? Siri, that’s who!

(I feel like it’s my responsibility to disclose that this is NOT a secret iPhone feature that no one told you about. I did, in fact, put an all-day event called “projected period” on my calendar. I just didn’t anticipate that Siri would be so hilarious about it. I should also note that I have Siri set as a British man in my phone. Can you hear it in your head? I hope so.)

Should I Write a Book? Should it Be Called Projected Period?

Screenshot of a text message exchange I had with my friend Holly that reads, Holly: “Should that be the name of your first book or something?” Me: “Projected Period?”Holly: “Yes” Me: “Haha yes. I’ll let you know if I feel like existing in the morning.”

The dedication will go to Holly since it was her idea. The back cover will read: “I’ll let you know if I feel like existing in the morning” and it won’t actually be a book. It’ll be one of those fake books that you can hide things in, and I’ll fill each one with chocolate cake.

For some reason, talking about books stuffed with cake just reminded me that a couple of days ago I asked my brother David to mail me a bagel sandwich and a full cup of coffee.

Did you know that if you find someone’s license you can just put it in the mail with no envelope or postage and the USPS will deliver it back to its rightful owner?

This would be exactly like that. No box. No postage. Just a bagel and coffee dropped directly into a mailbox. The mail carrier would just know that it’s meant for me. Like a bat signal…or something. I don’t really know. It’s a miracle, OK? Try it for yourself.

Solve this riddle, and I’ll Send You an Advance Copy of My Secret Chocolate Period Book

Screenshot of a text message exchange I had with my friend Logan that reads, Logan: “Hit me.” Me: “Soft and light and fluffy and chocolate and mouse and buttercream but maybe not all chocolate? But not fruit. This is a riddle.”

And by mouse, I meant mousse…or did I?

OK FINE. Here’s a clue:

Logan and I were talking about cake.

Oh, wait. Whoops. That was more than a clue.

But is it cake for My Secret Chocolate Period Book or for my birthday at the end of the month?


(p.s. Siri says I have an all-day appointment with Projected Period on my birthday so the cake could be for both.)

Who Comes Up With These Subtitles?

TV Screen with image of actress Katie Stevens, crying. Subtitle overlay reads, “heartbroken music.”

What is “heartbroken music”? I blame The Bold Type for the fact that Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” is now stuck in my head. And now it’s probably in your head. You’re welcome, and I’m sorry.

I don’t know. I think Katie Stevens might need some of My Secret Chocolate Period Book Cake.

What Is This Chair? Why Is There a Drawer?

Screenshot of text message exchange I had with my husband Jeff that reads, Jeff: “I found my next desk chair.” Link to Gucci Hooded Capitonnè armchair with picture of teal green, hooded armchair with a drawer at the base. Me: “Why is there a drawer?”

Jeff texted me a link to this chair the other night, and I have to be honest, despite how absolutely ridiculous it looks and the fact that it’s probably 7 billion dollars, I actually kind of like it.

To be fair, he sent it to me at 8:45 p.m. a day and a half before my website relaunch when I was already in bed and feeling like I’d be perfectly fine staying there for the rest of my life.

I don’t know. Something about the hood really speaks to me. Probably because when I’m anxious I like to put my hood up and I hate when people sit behind me in public places so this chair kind of solves that problem. And if things get really panicky I can just hide in that drawer.

As I wrote those last few sentences, I laughed at the implication that I’d be dragging this 1,000 lb chair around with me everywhere I go. Maybe I can ask Gucci to add some wheels to the feet. I feel like that’s a totally reasonable request for a 12 billion-dollar chair. Right?

Anyway…if you’ve been reading this blog post until now, you probably already know what I’ll be storing in that drawer (when I’m not hiding in it, that is).

That’s right.

My Secret Chocolate Period Book Stuffed With Riddle Cake That May Or May Not Contain Mice.

The name keeps getting longer. Someone get me an intellectual property lawyer. I’m gonna need a trademark.

Should I Tell My Phone To Feature My Husband Less?

iPhone screenshot with a small square image of my husband Jeff holding our puppy Hudson. White text against a black background reads: “1 Photo Selected” Blue text against black background reads: ”Options” White text against a black background reads: “Use As Wallpaper” “Copy iCloud Link” “Adjust Date & Time” “Adjust Location” Red text against black background reads: “Feature This Person Less”

I mean…maybe? It depends.

Is he going to get me that chair for my birthday?

Will he support and encourage me to publish The Book That’s Name Is Too Long To Keep Repeating?

This is a hard decision.

How Am I Supposed to Release Worry When it's My Entire Brand?

Screenshot of an Instagram Story by Morgan Harper Nichols listing affirmations for each day of March. My text commentary reads, “OMG the affirmation for my birthday is “I am releasing worry.” For a plain text list of the March affirmations, see the caption of Morgan’s Instagram post.

I happened to see this story on Morgan Harper Nichols’ Instagram on March 1…

AKA the day I relaunched my website…

AKA the day Calm Strips announced our All Worries collab.

Here I am releasing All of my Worries in a bathrobe and towel hat with an All Worries Calm Strip on my phone.

I bet you $500 that my mother will be simultaneously amused and horrified when she sees that I’ve shared these pictures with the Internet. But I’m an almost-35-year-old adult, mom. I can post these model shots if I want to.

I need you to know that I typed 30 instead of 35 at first and just barely caught my mistake. It’s fine.

Am I Turning 35 or 5 Later This Month?

I’m about 90% sure I’m actually still 5 years old. Please see Exhibits A and B below for proof.

Exhibit A

Screenshot of a text message exchange I had with my brother David that reads, David: “Okay” Me: “Projected Period?” Me: “I have lots of gas…IN MY BUTT.” See paragraph below photo for further explanation.

This was my response to a group text my mother sent to my brothers and me to remind us to get gas. I usually don’t find bathroom humor funny but I figured that it’s about time we normalize talking about poop because everyone does it and I don’t understand why we can’t talk about it. #DestigmatizePoop #YouCanTalkToMeAboutPoop

Exhibit B

I shared this amazing product in a text to my brother Adam the other day and his response was to ask if I designed it. Of course I did! It’s my next collab with Calm Strips.* DUH!

*In case it isn’t obvious: this is a joke. Calm Strips is NOT collabing with me on this. They’re collabing with Pranko because it’s their genius product.**

**OK, OK, OK, that was a joke, too. SORRY. Calm Strips isn’t collabing*** with Pranko either but maybe they SHOULD.)

***Autocorrect keeps trying to change ‘collabing’ to ‘collapsing’ and I’m trying to figure out what Calm Strips**** collapsing with Pranko on Float-A-Poo would look like. If you know the answer, please tell me.

****Please don’t fire me, Calm Strips

Speaking of Calm Strips…Did you catch us on IG Live last week?

I’ve embedded the video above but if for some reason you can’t see it, click here to watch me be awkward on camera. A TREAT!

In case you missed it, my All Worries design is now a Calm Strip! Click here to Shop Calm Strips’ website with my affiliate link and you’ll be supporting a great small business AND I’ll earn a commission. It’s a win-win!

Read my Calm Strips review to find out more about what they are and why I love 'em.

FYI: I did manage to create a privacy policy. It goes into sooooo much detail about how your information is stored and used by visiting my site, signing up for my mailing list, clicking my affiliate links, and purchasing from my shop. Apparently, it’s the law to have one. Who knew? Lots of people, actually. Just not me. Until now.

P.S. I also created Site Terms

The end.

As always, thank you for reading!